Thursday, November 5, 2009

Wanda Knows: Internet Security

Episode: 24

Wanda Knows Internet Security

The background: 
I have a friend, that has a facebook account and recently her account was compromised and someone got into it and posted something on her status. She changed her password and re-secured her account. Wanda was over at our house when we read of all of this...

Wanda: "She just changed her password?!" she exclaimed in disbelief. "Well that would have been a lot easier!"

Celeste: "What did that happen to you?"

Wanda: "Yes"

Celeste: "So what did you do, delete your whole account and start over?" I asked jokingly.

Wanda: In anguish "YES! Why didn't I think of that? That would have been a whole lot easier. I deleted all of my friends and all of my pictures and all of my info and then I deleted the profile. It's been such a hassle to find all my friends again and find all the pictures and everything! Yeah that would have been a LOT easier!"

Friday, October 16, 2009

Wanda Knows Cooking

Episode 23 - Wanda Knows Cooking

I've been staying out at mom and dads and Wanda decided to make Creamy Wheat. I walked into the kitchen in time to see her scooping water into a big bowl on top of the cup of Creamy Wheat that was in the bottom of the bowl. (It appeared as if there were 4 or 5 cups of wheat stuff in the bottom of the bowl, even though there was only one). Knowing that she was trying to only make 2 servings I asked.

Celeste: Um, Wand, just a little bit makes quite a lot. Did you know it's going to at least double?

Wanda: (very decidedly) Oh I'm following the ingredients.

Celeste: Hu?

Wanda: I'm just following the ingredients on the package, and this is what it said to put in.

Celeste: (chuckling) That's good Wand, you do that!

She stirred it together for several minutes and it just wasn't working

Wanda: This is going to take a long time.

Ang: You do need to cook it or it will never become the soft cereal that you want.

So she again looked at the "ingredients" and and sure enough it said to boil the water before you put in the wheat. Ah the secret to making Creamy Wheat. You must boil the water. Remember to check those ingredients before you start cooking next time!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Wanda Knows - Original

Episode 22: Wanda Knows Original

The Background: This is good folks, this is really good! It all started when Wanda was hanging out with some of her friends. One of the friends arrived later than the rest and she was dressed very differently with bright colors and all sorts of different articles of clothing that combined to make quite the outfit.

Friend 1 (to the new girl): "Wow that's very original... I like it."

Wanda: confused and rather loudly "oh, I think it looks kinda different"

Everyone turned to look at her, completely confused. It was then and there that she decided that she needed to figure out what the rest of the world thought 'original' meant. So she went home and asked dad.

Later... we came over and she sat me down and said "Celeste what do you think 'original' means?"

Celeste: "Well it depends on what you're referring to, but in general it means something different or new."

Wanda: "Well I know that that's what it means now, but all of my life I thought it meant something else."

Celeste: "Oh really? What?"

Wanda: "I thought it meant 'normal, or just like everybody else.' Like my black skirt it's pretty average and lots of people have one like it so I would have said 'This skirt is very original.' Your skirt is very different looking so I would say 'it's very unique.'

K.C.: "So if someone told you to do something original you'd come back with something run of the mill and totally confuse everyone."

Wanda: "Pretty much"

There ya go. Now that you all know what original really means, I hope you strive to be a little different and unique and not so original!

The rest of the story - Wanda was talking to me later again. "I still can't believe that that's what original means! It seems totally wrong to me. That's like saying sad means happy. I just can't believe it! It contradicts everything I've ever thought."

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Wanda Knows - Landscaping

Episode 21: Wanda Knows Landscaping

The Background:
My brother Jake and Dad were talking about what to do with the back yard, Jake had just tilled.

Jake: "We're going to have to level it somehow."

Dad: "The only way to get this level is by hand or with a machine, it's just how much effort we want to put into it."

Wanda: pipes in..."Why won't a rake work?"

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Wanda Knows - Curling Irons

Episode 20: Wanda Knows Curling Irons

The Background:
Wanda had a birthday in April. For that birthday Ammon, Nephi and I got her some hair accessories and among them was a very nice curling iron and straightener. She's always asking to borrow mine so I figured she could use one of her own.

Several days later....

Wanda: "Celeste I'm really glad that you gave me that curling iron. It's really nice. But either I don't know how to curl hair or it doesn't work on my hair. I curled Annie and Elle's hair and it worked great! But today I tried to curl mine and it wouldn't do ANYTHING. I would even hold it on one strand FOREVER! Nothing!"

I didn't have any suggestions other than turning the heat up a little. She said it was all the way up.

Several days later Wanda came over to our house again...

Wanda: "Celeste, I found out why the curling iron doesn't work."

Celeste: "Oh really? Why?"

Wanda: "It wasn't on!"

Celeste: "Oh!!! Well that would definitely do it!"

Wanda: "I plugged it in but I didn't know you had to turn it ON! It works great now."

Wanda, Wanda.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Wanda Knows Noses

Episode 19: Wanda Knows Noses

The Background: Craig has a very runny nose and it has been running constantly all day.

Wanda: "How can a nose hold that many boogers it's not that big, where do they all come from?"

Celeste: Tracing a line on my nose and up onto my forehead trying to show where the sinuses are "your sinuses go further than just the length of your nose"

Wanda: Her eyes got big and wide "It goes all the way up by your eyes! Is that why sometimes you get boogers in your eyes?"

Wanda Knows Kentucky

Episode 18: Wanda Knows Kentucky

The Background: So after going to Olive Garden (as mentioned in Wanda Knows Episode 17) Wanda stayed the night at our house. K.C. made french toast for breakfast and served it with orange juice. After the meal we were all cleaning up and Wanda Started to read the orange juice bottle.

Wanda: "Florida's Natural brand, premium, NOT from Kentucky! From Florida and Only Florida!" She starts laughing. "That's so funny! I guess they have something against Kentucky!" Then she reads it again. "Florida's Natural brand, premium, NOT from Kentucky! From Florida and Only Florida! I guess they want you to know that it's not from Kentucky, I can just see the guy siting there, 'I don't like Kentucky! We're going to put 'not from Kentucky' on all of our bottles!' I can't believe they can get away with that.

Here's a picture (courtesy of K.C.) of the very container that she was reading.

As I started to type this Episode Wanda still had no clue that it didn't say Kentucky. And she couldn't figure out why I was making a 'Wanda Knows' out of it. Then I let her read the picture. She very slowly and carefully started at the top and read each word. when she got to "Premium" she paused and said 'oh no... no, it does say premium.' then she continued on till she got the the fabled 'Kentucky' where she stopped and then after several seconds just hung her head!

Wanda: "You guys must have changed it because it didn't say that before!"

disclaimer: This container was in no way tampered with or altered it is shown in the picture in its original condition.

Wanda Knows Coffee

Episode 17: Wanda Knows Coffee

The Background: last night, (Friday) we went with Mom and Dad and Wanda to Olive Garden to celebrate mom and dad's anniversary. Craig grabbed one of the sweetener packets that was on the table and started playing with it. On the front of the packet it said Caffè la Toscana. Wanda picked one up to see what it was....

Wanda: "Oh no Craig, you shouldn't play with that, it's coffee"

Celeste: "What?"

Wanda: Showing me where it said Caffè "It's Coffee, or Caffee, yeah Caffee. So you pour it in your drink."

Celeste: Trying to figure out what she was saying. "So if you pour this into your hot chocolate it turns it into coffee?"

Wanda: "I was right?" but then she saw the laugh that I was trying to suppress and cautiously said "No, that's not what I meant."

Celeste: "Oh well what did you mean?"

Wanda: "Well It's Caffeine so when you put it into your caffeinated drink it makes it more caffeinated. Right?"

Oh Wanda, Wanda, Wanda

Wanda Knows Velociraptor

Episode 16: Wanda Knows Velociraptor

The Background: Wanda was talking to my brother and was informed that the way she was saying Velociraptor was not right. So she set out on a mission to prove that it wasn't just her that said it that way so...

She came with my parents to bring Craig back yesterday and the first thing she says to me is "Celeste what is that smaller dinosaur that is really mean?"

My guess was "a Velociraptor?"

She looked all disappointed. and mumbled "Yeah."

Then she perked up and said "K, I'm going to ask K.C. the same question so don't tell him what you said." She was extremely put out when K.C. hadn't even seen Jurassic park and only could remember like 4 dinosaur names. When he was told that it ended with 'raptor' he said "Oh you mean Velociraptor?"

Wanda: Completely bummed out "All right".

So Wand this sounds good, what did YOU think it was?

Well I was talking to Ammon and I said 'Ammon we found this huge dinosaur bone in the back it's probably a flossaraptor bone!'

"a what bone"

"A flossaraptor bone"

"how did you say that?"

"A flossaraptor"

"What does it start with?"

Very emphatically "F"

"Are you sure?"


"Oh!" Dad and him couldn't hold it in any longer and burst into laughter.

"What? What does it start with?"

"It starts with a V and it's said Velociraptor."

Her world was officially wrecked. "They've always been flossaraptors!" she said in dismay. "That is so weird to me, I honestly and truly thought that it was called a flossaraptor. I've always called it that!"

There you have it folks, Wanda knows!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Wanda Knows "Gone With The Wind"

Episode 15: Wanda Knows "Gone With The Wind"

The Background: I was over at Wanda's house and she was talking about how dumb it is that people swear in movies.

Wanda: If I could I would go back to the first movie that swore, you know "Blowing in the Wind" and take that one word out."

Celeste: "What?"

Wanda: "Well Ammon was saying that 'Blowing in the Wind' was the first movie that swore and after that it became acceptable. So if I took that one word out, maybe it wouldn't be a problem now."

(Ammon had actually said that in Gone With The Wind they swore for the first time in front of a woman. But the best part is 'Blowing In The Wind')

Wanda Knows "Fraulein"

Episode 14: Wanda Knows "Fraulein"

The Background: Mom and Dad were watching The Sound Of Music the other day. Wanda walked into the room just as Maria was running up to the front of the Vontrapp mansion.

The Butler guy comes to the door and she says something along the lines of "I'm the new governess captain!" and he says "And I'm the old Butler Fraulein."

Wanda: "Oh!" (very excited) "I thought he always said 'I'm the old Butler for alarm!' But he says her name Fraulein!"

(for alarm?!)

When asked what she thought this meant later her response was "It didn't make much sense to me but I thought that it should.")

Monday, January 26, 2009

In Wanda's Defense

Update: OK so the last Wanda Knows (America) was a slight misrepresentation. I got the information from my brother who told it as he heard it. But then I was talking to Wanda and she thought that she was saying "Mexico" and that is what she meant. That Mexico (not 'New Mexico) is not part of the United States.

I'm still a little confused about how it all worked out, and who said what, and what they were trying to say. But, no matter how you look at it, it's still good.

Wanda Knows "America"

Episode 13: Wanda Knows America

The Background: My brothers were talking to my dad and one of them while trying to find a car asked "Dad is New England in America?" This spurred a thought in my other brother Jake...

Jake: "Why do we have states that are 'New' this and 'New' that like "New Mexico" and "New Hampshire?"

Wanda: Exasperated "Jake," (like duh) "The United States doesn't name them. America does. Because New Mexico isn't in the United States, it's in America."

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Wanda Knows "Morning Sickness"

Episode 12: Wanda Knows Morning Sickness

The Background: We are up in Salt Lake City with my cousin Loren and his wife, Jessica, who is expecting their first child. Jessica mentioned morning sickness, and that's when it began...

Wanda: "Wait what is morning sickness anyways?"

Jessica: "It's when your pregnant and you throw up in the mornings, and don't feel well."

Wanda: "OOOHHH! O.K. That makes more sense."

K.C.: "Why? What did you think morning sickness was?"

Wanda: "I thought it was when you were really sad. You know like 'Mourning Sickness'?"

K.C.: "So you could say, 'Fred what's wrong?' and he'd say 'Oh you know my aunt just died and I've got mourning sickness real bad today.' Like that?"

Wanda: "Yeah, it never even occurred to me that it was MORNING sickness, and that you got sick in the morning."

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Wanda Knows "KO!"

Episode 11: Wanda Knows K.O.

The Background: Wanda was watching my brother play a boxing game on the xbox. He won the round and big letters flashed across the screen "KO!" Later on:

Wanda: Celeste do you know what "KO" means?

Celeste: "I'm guessing it means Knock Out."

Wanda: Seems bummed out. "Oh, O.K. never mind."

K.C.: "Why what did you think it meant?"

Wanda: "Well I was watching Nephi play this boxing game and it looked like the people that were boxing were Japanese. When he won the round "KO!" popped up on the screen. So I thought maybe it was Chinese for "O.K.!"

Friday, January 9, 2009

Wanda Knows "Razor Refills"

Episode 10: Wanda Knows Razor Refills

The Background: This is the second burst of knowledge that we got from Wanda on our way home.

Wanda: "I had a razor that had the replaceable tips. And I had 4 boxes of extra tips."

Celeste: "Cartridges? Refills? Blades?"

Wanda: "Yeah those. It's so funny because I never knew how they worked. I figured out how to get them off and put another one on but I thought that when you put it back in the holder that it sharpened them.

I had 4 boxes of refills so I would use a blade till it got dull and then put it back in the holder and get another one. When that case was empty I would start on the next one. Then when I finished that case I'd go to the next one and when then were all gone I'd go back to the first. It wasn't working very well because they were still dull. But I used them anyways."

Celeste: "You thought that the case sharpened your old razor blades for you?"

Wanda: "Yeah!"

Celeste: "So how long have you been waiting for them to get sharp?"

Wanda: "I've had the same 4 boxes since I was 12." (She's about to turn 16) "But I just threw 2 of them away."

Celeste: "Wow! (very impressed by the perseverance) So you still have the other 2 boxes?"

Wanda: "Yes."

Celeste: "That you've had since you were 12?"

Wanda: "Yes."

Celeste: "They're not getting any sharper. Why do you still have them?"

Wanda: "I don't have the money to get more. It's better than nothing."
(I don't think I agree! Ouch!)

Wanda's response to my "Ouch!" - "It doesn't hurt, it just doesn't cut 'em all the way. At least it's not hairy like a dog." Pauses as I start to type... "I should have waited to say that hu?" Groans "I get myself into such trouble!"

Wanda Knows "Telephone Poles"

Episode 9: Wanda Knows Telephone Poles.

The Background: Wanda Knows fans, buckle up! In a short ride from Hurricane to home we had 3 of the most enlightening experiences. In a matter of minutes the next 3 Wanda Knows episodes poured out! I guess the long drought has meant that now it's time for the flood.

Driving home from Hurricane we rounded a corner as we neared the freeway on ramp. K.C. was trying to answer a phone call and his phone said that the "call was lost".

Wanda: "Yeah phones never work very good right here. It's funny because they don't ever work even though we're driving right under these telephone poles."

Celeste: "Yeah that is funny, especially since telephone poles don't even have anything to do with these phones."

Wanda: "Well if they don't have anything to do with phones why are they called telephone poles? And what are they for?"

Celeste: "What do you think they're for?"

Wanda: "I don't know, I always just thought they were these big tall poles towering above us that acted all powerful and that they were what made it so you could talk on the phone. That's why when you're driving through a canyon or a place where there are no telephone poles your phones don't work."

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Wanda Knows-Ratings

Episode 8: Movie Ratings

The Background: What a good way to start off the new year! Tonight Elle was talking about Kung Fu Panda and asking if we could watch it. As the extra cherry on top of her plea she added "it's rated PG for Panda Goodness!"

Wanda: For the longest time I thought that
G meant Good,
PG meant Pretty Good and
PG-13 meant "Not Very Good" but I don't know why.

(We had had a conversation similar to this one before her realization of their real meanings, several months before Wanda Knows began. So I forgot all the details of the discovery of the true meanings but remembering is still pretty good. So all you loyal Wanda Knows fans, happy new year!)